so do you know this guy
his name is Doctor Orion Teraban
he has a video titled
Couples Therapy almost never works
you are not the client
he has a clinical doctorate in psychology
I've never watched one of his videos before today
he dives into his perspectives about couples therapy
and why it almost never works
and why he sounds like
pretty much always suggests individual therapy
as someone who's a 20 year marriage therapist
and relationship coach
who's sat in over 11,000 sessions with clients
about half of the sessions I have each week
are with individual clients
and about half of the sessions I have each week
are with couples I do
do all of my couples work
in conjunction with my husband Bryce
so our approach and our work is a little bit different
but prior to meeting Bryce
as a marriage and family therapist
I saw about half of my sessions each week
were individual clients and about half were couples
so even when I was doing marriage and family therapy
on my own I still saw quite a bit of individuals
and quite a bit of couples both
so I'm gonna go through this video
and break down what he is saying
and give you my opinion
so he comes in pretty early on and says
I'm not a big fan of couples therapy
he says that in most couples therapy
the client is the relationship
he says the client is not the two
individual people in the room
the client is the relationship between them
and then he goes on to say that because of this
his perspective is
that the therapist is going to be advocating
for the best interests of the relationship
and then he says so why is this problematic
and then he goes into some perspectives
now
that is one way that I describe the process to clients
but I think that what he's missing here
is that the relationship includes both individuals
that's the difference
when you're working on a relationship
you're working on an entity
that includes two individuals
so one individual is not the client
two individuals are the client
and the relationship between them
it is more complex work
I will say that couples work is more complex work
in a lot of ways
the way I often describe it to people is
it's kind of like individual figure skating
versus couples figure skating
so if you're a couples figure skating coach
you're going to be teaching people how to do something
that individual skaters cannot even do
you know individual skaters cannot grab themselves
and throw themselves up to do a certain move
but in order to do couples figure skating
you have to be able to individually figure skate
like both people
have to be able to individually figure skate
in order to do higher levels of couples work
so even him saying I'm not a big fan of couples therapy
that couples therapy almost never works it to me
almost sounds like someone saying
that salsa lessons don't work
well yeah
they don't work if someone has a broken
leg
and they don't work
if both people don't want to engage in the process
if don't
if both people don't want to learn how to do the salsa
then salsa lessons are not gonna work
and if one person is injured
then salsa lessons are not gonna work
and hopefully more and more
couples therapists
and couples coaches are learning about
the importance of these foundational needs
to even do good couples therapy to even do good
but saying that salsa lessons doesn't work
just seems so silly and inaccurate
and not true
and I've been both a practitioner for a lot of years
but I've also been a client
I've been a client in both individual sessions
with practitioners
and I've been a client of couples work
and when me and my husband go into get a couple session
and we both want to be there
and neither of us are injured
from my perspective
couples therapy has been extremely helpful for us
and we get so much good feedback
from the couples that we work with
about how helpful it is
and we're constantly reminding people
who are ready for it who have a good enough foundation
to do higher levels of couples work
we're reminding people this is a skill based process
it really is now again
that's not true and it's not helpful to say that
or approach it that way
if there is underlying issues and injuries
that don't make couples work possible
so my husband Bryce and I
we will tell people
sometimes we cannot do couples work with you
now we use the hierarchy of needs
that's a chart that was actually put together
by my husband Bryce
and I wrote all about it in my book
Mastering Boundaries so
I go through each level
of the hierarchy of relationship needs
and I talk about what boundaries look like
at each level
because boundaries at level 1 are very different
than boundaries at level three
and we also use this chart when we're assessing
whether or not we are going to be willing
to do couples work with someone
so you can see here at the base is physical safety
if there's any domestic violence
or physical abuse or physical neglect
then that means
that we can't do the higher levels of work
until those lower levels are addressed
and fully resolved and worked out
level 2 is psychological safety
so any emotional or mental abuse or neglect
is going to fall into this category
and again sometimes we're assessing what the level is
because for a lot of us
we psychologically abuse ourselves
we'll say something like I'm such an idiot right
and we kind of beat ourselves up in our head
a lot of us psychologically abuse ourselves
so what we're looking for here is
what are the levels
of any psychological abuse or neglect
that's happening
how do they impact the safety for both people
and is there enough of a foundation of safety
for there to be any kind of friendship experience
in this relationship or in this marriage
if there is not enough
a foundation
we will refer clients out
to get whatever supports that they need individually
then from there
if they get things resolved enough individually
then we can look forward at
potentially doing some couples work in the future
violence is not a couples issue
it's an individual issue
abuse neglect
those are not couples issues
those are really individual abuse and neglect issues
and it's really important that
if people want to do couples work
that they get assessment
and make sure that there's enough of a foundation
for the safety
to even do the work in a healthy and productive way
one thing my husband and I often say
is that when it comes to these two safety layers
you as an individual
are fully and completely responsible
for learning how to assess your own safety needs
and set the boundaries for that
because even me as a practitioner
I can give people ideas and opinions
but at the end of the day
I can't leave an abusive relationship for a person
they have to be able to make that choice themselves
but there are a lot of good practitioners
both individual practitioners and couples practitioners
who can help people to assess this
and this is where
I think Doctor Orion Tarabion was really off
Mark
and I'm not really sure why
I don't know if that's because
he went through a psych program
instead of a systems theory program
like marriage and family therapy
so it is tricky because people can get licensed
through a lot of different avenues
but still not have much exposure to systems thinking
or systems training or how to assess systems
so I'm not really sure
somebody said he has a personal experience
that maybe is the reason why he has this perspective
if you are someone who's been in an abusive situation
and you go to couples therapy
and they just try to do couples work
they try to do work here
at the friendship or the intimacy development level
and there is not enough safety for
the foundation it can feel really traumatic
really in a lot of ways
and super unproductive super unhelpful
and it can keep people and encourage people to stay
in relationships that aren't good for them
or relationships that they would just rather leave
so yes
safety is a really important part of it
but so is consent
especially when you get up into level 4
intimacy development so again
when I think about teaching people the salsa
if one person doesn't want to learn it
for whatever reason we don't do it
and so if one person
doesn't seem to want to do the couple's work
then my husband and I will call that out
and that's an important part of the process is even
and saying do both of you wanna do this
and without any judgment we're not
we're not saying you should stay in your marriage
our perspective is it's really up to you
being in a marriage is a big choice
living with someone sharing finances with someone
maybe sleeping next to someone
if you're making those choices
to be so entwined in someone else's life
and you don't like that person
or you don't want to be in that marriage
for whatever reason it's totally valid to say
I don't wanna do couples therapy or couples work
because I don't wanna be in this relationship
and that's a really valid response now
if you as an individual
are trying to make that decision
just based on your own desire
because sometimes again
sometimes we're struggling with safety in ourselves
and if we're struggling with safety in ourselves
then we might make decisions
that aren't really aligned with what we really value
or what we really care about
and if we end up getting into relationships
that aren't really aligned with our truth
then sometimes it is hard
it's hard to look at it and say
actually I don't want to be with this person
sometimes
that even happens when you're with a good person
you may just not want to be in a relationship
and so hopefully
a good practitioner is going to pick up on that
because you're going to tell them that
you're going to be honest about what's going on
you're not going to psychologically neglect yourself
if that's the truth now
if you're like hey
I'm trying to assess this
I'm trying to figure out
if I want to be in this relationship
then maybe you need some individual work for a while
and maybe having a little bit of couples work
intermingled in can help
here's a comment that someone left on the video
that I wanted to mention this person said
as a therapist
I sometimes get heat from my individual clients
when I encourage them to leave a bad relationship
entering into couples therapy
can absolutely be enabling a bad relationship
that is true entering into couples therapy
with someone who is not a good couples practitioner
can end up enabling a bad relationship
but another thing I see is individual therapists
meeting with individual clients
and then encouraging them
to leave a bad relationship
when they have never even met
that other person's partner
and I know the temptation
because I work with individual clients a lot
and sometimes individual clients come in
and they tell me about their partner
and I think if what you are telling me is true
are you willing to leave this relationship
and sometimes I say it mostly because
I'm just trying to assess where they're at
and what they're wanting so I may say
if what you are telling me is actually accurate
about this person at the end of the day
if you were to work on things individually
or as a couple are you in a position where
if what you are telling me is true
never changes never resolves
are you in a situation where you would feel OK
ending the relationship leaving the relationship
or are you in a situation where
that's not even an option for you
and not even a possibility
and I'll say I'm not saying this
because I think that's what you should do
I'm just trying to assess where you currently are
in terms of the perspective and your mindset
of this current relationship
so sometimes I will do that with an individual
because I'm just trying to get a feel of
if they're coming in
to try to get validation or something from me
that gives them the permission
to leave their relationship
or sometimes people come in and they say
I need to figure out what to do right away
do I just deal with this do I just cope with it
like do I find a way to cope with what's happening
or do I keep trying to get my partner to change
for example and I might say
well at the end of the day
if this doesn't change
is this something you would leave your partner over
I'm not saying you should
I'm just trying to understand where you're at right now
and then sometimes what I'll say is
I also don't know
I can never know the truth of what you're saying
by only meeting you
so I'm gonna take everything you're telling me as truth
for your individual work
and when I'm in an individual session with you
what we are working on is your relationship to yourself
and to your perspective of your partner
and your perspective of your partner might be accurate
it might be correct but it might not
and I can't give you an outside perspective
of whether your perspective of your partner
is accurate or not I can't give you any kind of opinion
unless I meet your partner too
now sometimes a partner will come in
and I'll tell them I don't
I still don't know what's true about your partner
here's what I am seeing and then they might say well
here's what's happening at home
and then I'll look at their partner and I'll say okay
well is that true
is there any shared reality there
and if that person's like yeah
I can kind of see what they're saying
I can be like that at home great
is that something you want to work on
if they're like I don't know what they're talking about
that's I've never had that experience
I've never been like that
and then the other person's over there
rolling their eyes or feeling so frustrated
then I might say then I don't know what's true
I have two people telling me different things
so I can't I can't give my opinion other than
um that
you know
I can keep doing individual work with each of you
about your own perspective
knowing it could be totally incorrect
but I will take what's working for you
from your perspective
or if you want to do couples work again
there has to be enough safety to do that
couples work can be complex
there are two different viewpoints
and sometimes
those viewpoints are valid and have some validity
sometimes they don't and it can take time
it can take time
to really even figure out what's going on
and my husband and I have worked with couples
where sometimes it takes us a while
before we really start to see what's going on
at the deeper layers
but at the end of the day
again you yourself are responsible for assessing
your safety needs and setting safety boundaries
so if you have a therapist
if you have a coach who is not seeing things
then you have to be able to say
I want out of this relationship
or I need to set this boundary in this relationship
for my own sense of safety
and a good practitioner
is going to be able to help you to do that
this is not always an easy situation
but it is looking at sometimes
what leverage do you have
and in what way can I help you to manage that leverage
based on what you're telling me
and what your perspective of the relationship is
which again
might be accurate might not
I don't always know
though I will say a lot of times in the couples work
my husband Bryce and I do
people do come to shared realities
and it's so helpful
because then we're able to work with that
and even if we're working on some aspects of the
the safety because the other thing that can happen is
you can have enough safety for the
friendship layer so this is what we see
a lot of the clients that we work with
are actually quite stable doing quite well
they're quite successful in the world
and they have enough of a safety foundation
that they can do the friendship layer
and what that means
is that they have some care for each other
they have some liking of each other in some way
or at least under certain circumstances
where they can feel some level of friendship
some like some care
we even have a lot of couples
who can feel a lot of love for each other
but what happens is
when they put the demands of intimacy development
onto the pyramid those demands
which is really about let's look at the truth
the truth of the different layers here
when you add those intimacy layer demands
for some people that weight is too much
and the lower levels start to rupture
including the safety layers
usually the couples we work with
it's not a physical safety rupture
it's generally a psychological safety rupture
and or friendship ruptures
so when we start to add on
those intimacy development layer demands
it starts to rupture those lower levels
and so we do end up having to do some of that work
let's slow it down we go back
we talk about repair how do you repair
how do you start to build the safety here
so that that's not happening
so that you can start to put this intimacy development
on the pyramid and do it more and more often
when you think about becoming skilled at anything
let's say something physical athletic
you've got to build the foundation
and sometimes people are not flexible enough
and they're not strong enough
and they have to keep building that foundation
that's why many athletes
don't only practice their sport
they're also doing a lot of foundational work
to keep their body safe and it's really
really similar when it comes to higher level
relational work
now Doctor Orian Terabaan said something about
a couples therapist is not going to turn to the man
in the middle of a session
and say my dude
you need to get as far away from that woman as possible
um or vice versa
not gonna turn to a woman and say
you need to this guy's never gonna commit
no matter what sacrifices you make
now yeah
I would probably never say to a woman
that man is never going to commit
what I would say is so far
this man has never committed to you
that might change today tomorrow
10 years from now or never
what do you want to do about that
now again
if it's having an impact on her safety
then that is something I would acknowledge
I would say something like
you're saying that when he doesn't commit to you
you feel so depressed that you can't function
and you're having a hard time caring for your children
then I think you need to go do some individual work
and see whether or not you can get in your own skin
enough
to function whether or not he commits to you
if your choice is to stay in this relationship
or you might decide that this relationship
and him not committing
is impacting your nervous system at such a degree
that you feel depressed and you can't function
that's having an impact on your
physical safety and
and you alone are the only one who can assess needs
and set boundaries to create more safety for yourself
so I can give you my opinion
which it seems like you're not able to tolerate
whether or not he commits to you
and so being in a relationship with someone
who hasn't committed up to this point
seems like it is dangerous for your nervous system
so for example
those are the ways that I might say it
because I don't know if someone's gonna change
I see people change all the time
I've been a therapist for 20 years
I've seen people not change at all
I've seen people change and revert
I've seen people slowly change
I've seen people fast change
I mean I've just realized
you just never know what's gonna happen in life
and how people are going to respond
but yeah
if you're staying around
and waiting for something that's never happened
and you're continuing to say
I'm not not okay if this doesn't happen
well yes
you are you're continuing to stay in it
do you want to keep staying in it
knowing it may or may not happen
or do you want to change something about your situation
both options can be valid
but again
you've got to also look at what are the impacts
what's happening to you in these situations
but to have Doctor Tyrone say that
practitioners don't do that
it just seems so inaccurate
so I don't know
I am quite sure that some practitioners do not do that
but there's also a lot of practitioners that do
and I guess that's the tricky thing
with any kind of support you know
whether again
you're going to dance lessons
piano lessons whether you're going to the doctor
you know whether it's just a self improvement process
which is really what coaching is more oriented towards
it's a self improvement process
aimed at a specific goal
therapy technically
is a medical treatment
though I do think a lot of people go to therapy
to get coaching
but either way a good practitioner
is going to be able to help you assess that right
so yeah
a knee surgeon might not be able to teach a couple
how to do the salsa that might be really true
but a knee surgeon
watching a couple try to do the salsa
and watching someone kind of limp around might
might be quicker to catch that like hey
that person might have an issue with their leg
but they might not know how to
teach them how to do the salsa
so there's different aspects of relational work
and some are more oriented towards medical treatment
and some are more oriented towards personal development
and sometimes talking to a therapist or a coach or both
can help you start to get an idea
of where you need to be going
and what what type of resources are going to be
most beneficial for you
now again
Doctor Terabone does say at some point
withholding this type of feedback
the type of feedback that says hey
maybe you should leave this relationship
because your client is the relationship
irrespective of the best interest of the individuals
he said that doesn't sit right with him personally
and yeah that wouldn't
like serving a relationship
irrespective of the best interest of the individuals
doesn't even actually make any logical sense
if you understand systems theory
so in systems theory
the way that I understand it and think about it
when you're looking at an entire system as an entity
it includes the individual
so to disregard one of two individuals
in order to keep the system running
seems completely illogical to me
instead what we're saying from this perspective
is that what is best for the relationship
is the thing that is also best for both individuals
it's just that the difference is
instead of it being best for just one individual
it's best for both
and some people don't want to engage in a relationship
where they're having to navigate that with someone
either because of safety layer issues
or simply because of lack of desire
and any of those reasons
make relationship work not very feasible
so in the next part of this video
he says the people who show up to couples counseling
have often been acting very badly
in their relationships
I get what he's saying because sometimes
the motivator to get into couples work is pain
but I wouldn't say that
the people who show up to couples counseling
have often been acting very badly
I think a lot of people who go to couples counseling
are just trying to figure out
how to do something better
and showing up badly is just
you know
okay so I'm now editing this
and I'm thinking about how to say this better
so I'm gonna use a metaphor
it's kind of like saying
people who register for beginning Spanish
show up to class and they're bad at Spanish
so yes
you are not going to be good at the thing
you have not Learned how to do yet
and I think
that's kind of the whole problem with this video
in general is
he's really basing what he's saying
off of very traditional views of relationships
in which we grow up in the family
where we learn about the relationship
not through a skill based
mindset based relational development process
but just through a very traditional
relationship experience
and I think what we can start to see
that relationships aren't so personal as far as
people aren't generally
intentionally trying to hurt each other
they're trying to get their needs met
and most people Learned the idea that
in order to get my needs met
I have to either control and dominate someone
or I have to get small and collapse
so that I can attach myself to someone else's power
and neither of those approaches work at level 4
intimacy development
really the problem is so much more that
as we grow and evolve as a society
we desire higher levels of relationship development
both with ourselves and with others
and that's an educational and skill based process
so if after assessment
I'm not worried that we can't do couples work
so much of what we're trying to help people see
is that this journey is like learning an instrument
or learning a language and it takes education
it takes repetition it takes practice
and yes
you will usually show up
at the beginning of that process
doing things not very skillfully
or you could say badly
but again
with the type of clientele that we work with
we rarely see people intentionally trying to act badly
or hurt each other
I think we come out of a society where
at this point
we have laws
we have a society that does orient more towards like
physical safety we have things
to help create
more and more physical safety in our society
but I think now because we have so much physical safety
and not everyone
but because a lot of people
have more and more physical safety
this next layer of development comes online
and that's psychological safety
you know you get on social media
and you see a lot of people talking about
personality disorders
and how to create safety in relationships
when you have someone who's labeled as a narcissist
or this or that and I think what's happening is
people are trying to figure out
how to make sense of something
that's kind of invisible
unlike physical safety
that leaves marks where you actually see the hit
psychological safety is more subtle
and it can be a little bit more confusing
but I think it's a topic
that people are becoming more and more interested in
as more and more physical safety is coming online
societally and generally
and so when he says
couples who show up have been acting very badly
I'm like
well
most of us were raised by people
who didn't really know much about psychological safety
and now a lot of people are ready to learn it
and they come in and
yeah pain might be the motivator
but I don't think that means that we can't learn
and get on top of things pretty quick
another thing he ends up saying in this video
is that it's actually very difficult
to tell the truth to a person
in a way that here
she can hear it so
he talks about how it's hard to even do that
with one person in an individual session
he says it's almost impossible to do it with two people
to share the truth
in a way that both people can hear it simultaneously
and he said that the truth can be bitter medicine
and again that can be true
but sometimes it's also not true
I have found over the years
that sometimes
people are really ready to hear the truth
and it hits and it actually feels helpful
it actually feels like relief for some people
and sometimes people feel that together
so again
Bryce and I see couples all the time
where we will speak the truth
and all of a sudden
it's like both hear it at the same time
and sometimes that doesn't happen
but I don't see it as a problem
if only one person in the room is able to understand
or get something
using the metaphor again
if you're in a Spanish class together
and one person gets a concept
and the other one doesn't get it yet
that's also okay so
it can be okay
if both people don't get the same concepts
and understanding simultaneously
even though sometimes it does happen
and so I just don't I don't have that same perspective
I get what he's saying I get that it can be hard
I get that sometimes
people don't want to hear the truth
I get that sometimes it's a bitter medicine
if it's far enough
outside of your current level of capacity
your current level of intimacy development
right'cause again
intimacy development is oriented toward the truth
friendship development oriented toward love
liking care
there's got to be enough of that
to really start doing that intimacy development work
if there's not enough we focus on the friendship level
right but if you want to move up
and do of more of that truth telling
truth development work
people have to increase their capacity sometimes
and so sometimes
something is far enough outside of their capacity
that hearing the truth feels like a bitter medicine
but what I find is a lot of times
by the time people come
they're often ready to hear the truth now again
this could be because of the type of clients
Bryce and I work with
we generally work with clients right here
between the friendship and the intimacy layer
people who are able to have
or maintain some level of friendship
but they can't quite get
that intimacy layer development consistently
and when they do
it creates the rupture cycle down below
like someone says can't you just get over it
can't you just go to individual therapy and get over it
right I'm like yeah
that's a rupture that can come online
when someone puts the intimacy layer development
on top of friendship so again
I don't know what was going on for Doctor Taraban
in his own experience or what he has seen
but yeah
couples who try to do intimacy development
prior to having
enough of the lower three levels in place
it can end up being unhelpful and even destructive so
it's important to find someone that can help you
to assess all of that
another thing
my husband and I have found super helpful in our work
is that a lot of the couples we work with
will blend together couples work and individual work
we'll do couples work with them together
the two of us he and I
with the two of them in a session at the same time
then we'll do separate individual sessions
most often we end up working with heterosexual couples
so generally he's with the male individually
and I'm with the female
and we have found this format to be super helpful
it does allow both people
to really be able to speak their truth
through the individual lens
and then what I will tell clients is
I will say
if you bring up something in an individual session
that I think
is going to block us from doing good couples work
like
if you tell me you're having an affair on your partner
if you tell me that your partner's been
physically harming you
then that might be an indicator
that we can no longer do
couples work
or it might be an indicator
for example like the affair situation
if you have a secret then I might say
we will not continue to do couples work
with the two of you
unless
or until you let your partner know what is going on
because it's really unsafe to do intimacy development
with not an equal power differential
and if someone has a big secret
that the other one doesn't know
that can be something that creates
a big power imbalance in the relationship
so if something comes up in an individual session
that would negatively impact the couple's work
like that then we'll let them know
we'll keep doing individual work with the two of you
and you don't have to tell your partner
or if you want to keep doing couples work
then you're going to have to tell your partner
and there have been a few situations I have worked with
for example where someone told me something
they did not want to tell their partner
and at that point
I've told them that I will not do couples work
I'll keep doing individual work
with either or both of you
if you'd like but I won't do any couples work
and so we've just gone ahead with that
and we've shifted to individual work
so there's different ways that this can go
but yeah
these are big questions you know
and after doing this for so many years
that's one thing that's
allowed me to sit and think about these things more
I did use to have more of a perspective that
if you want something to change in your relationship
then you can just do the individual work on your own
because one person changing will change the pattern
I still believe that is true
one person changing is going to change the pattern
but
that is like telling someone
who wants to do couples figure skating
to go in and just learn how to figure skate alone
it is literally not possible
in order to actually figure skate together
you both have to learn how to figure skate
and then you have to learn how to figure skate together
there's different moves
there's different things that happen
when you're together
it is the exact same
when it comes to personal development
and relational or couple development
and some people do start that process of development
together
so for example
you might have a child that goes into ballroom dancing
maybe their first time ever learning how to dance
is in a ballroom dance class
so yeah
they don't know how to individually dance yet
they're actually starting to learn
the experience of dance
right away with another person
now ultimately
what they can do and the limits of what they can do
will expand greatly
if they learn how to dance on their own too
if they can bring individual skill into the process
that is going to grow the capacity of the couple
if both people can bring an individual skill
it's going to grow the capacity
but again sometimes
that process starts out right from the beginning
as starting with couples work
and then you kind of find out
okay what do I need to learn on my own here
so I do think it's helpful
when you're doing couples work
to also blend in some individual
personal development work
as well
and those two things can actually inform each other
and help each other a lot
the individual work you do will
help what you can bring to the table with the couple
and doing work as a couple
is going to help you better understand your own self
as an individual as well
but again
I don't think couples work is a good idea
if there's not enough physical safety
and there's not enough psychological safety
but if there is enough of the safety layers
then you can start to
look at the higher levels of development
if the higher levels of development start to rupture
the lower levels
then you need to be able to have the tools
the practices the exercises
to be strengthening and creating more flexibility there
so that you can work through those ruptures
more quickly
and so that you can keep moving through that process
but if there's not enough tools
if there's not enough support
you might need to take breaks
you might need to shift
and do some individual work at times
but really I think that any therapist
who's telling an individual client yeah
you should just leave your relationship
if they have never met that person's partner
I don't know
I'm extremely extremely skeptical of that
and that actually does not sit right with me
and part of it's because
I have had many individuals tell me something
then their partner comes in
and I'm like
oh
well now your partner's saying
this is what they're saying true
I've had people who sometimes will be like
oh yeah
what my partner saying is true and I'm like
you know and so
of course it doesn't always sit right for individuals
when you tell them
maybe they should leave their partner
because they probably know that what they're saying
is not totally true
and so it just kind of bugs me when people
I think that they know someone's partner
just from one person's perspective
it might be true people who are really honest
they can speak the truth sometimes
about themselves and other people
but a lot of people are still struggling
with how to do that in a really honest
effective way
so yes
I would be very skeptical of any individual therapist
who tells you what to do about your partnership
okay so I think that's it for today
I will link the video down below
if you're interested in watching the whole thing
if you have any questions
put them in the comments below I also have my website
here
so if you're interested in getting any extra support
here's all the details where you can go
I'll also put the links to that below
as well as the book Mastering Boundaries
and all the other resources
if you're interested in men's retreats
women's retreats couples retreats
there's lots of ways to get involved
and getting extra support
and learning how to relationally
dance with your partner
and really learning about relationship development
because there are layers to it
and each layer is unique and each layer is different
thanks for being here take care
